


Lup's Goodbye

by Bitsy



Category: The Adventure Zone (Podcast)
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-02
Updated: 2020-05-02
Packaged: 2021-03-02 07:22:11
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,782
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23967583
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Bitsy/pseuds/Bitsy
Summary: Inspired by Off Balance, a little more depth to the conversation that happens at the beginning of Episode 4.
Relationships: Barry Bluejeans/Lup
Kudos: 5





	Lup's Goodbye

**Author's Note:**

  * Inspired by [Off Balance (Here There Be Blupjeans)](https://archiveofourown.org/works/23594818) by [Bitsy](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Bitsy/pseuds/Bitsy), [capitalnineteen](https://archiveofourown.org/users/capitalnineteen/pseuds/capitalnineteen), [Im_a_Jorts_Man](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Im_a_Jorts_Man/pseuds/Im_a_Jorts_Man), [tazlivereadings](https://archiveofourown.org/users/tazlivereadings/pseuds/tazlivereadings). 



Lup walked up to Barry, handing Brian’s leash over to Killian for just a moment. Brian was showing signs of shaking off that Charm Person spell, so having his restraint in Killian’s fist was probably the way to go. Which left Lup free to stand in front of this ridiculous man who’d somehow managed to capture her entire heart and soul in the course of two days.

Unfair. If she didn’t know any better, she’d accuse him of deliberately seducing her. Which was obviously not the case, as she found him unconscious, beaten up by gerblins and left for dead. Objectively not sexy. And yet.

He was scratching the back of his neck and looking down as she approached, and a weird little fluttery feeling started in her midsection. He was so _cute_. It really wasn’t fair. The way his hair was all ruffled and mussed, the light dusting of freckles across the bridge of his nose, just under his glasses, the way his armor was just slightly wrong for him, somehow. Oh, it fit, but it still didn’t _fit_. Finally he looked up at her, and wow. His eyes were so pretty. Oh, fuck, she had it bad. Get a grip, Lulu, you really shouldn’t get a case of busy britches over this guy so soon.

“So, uh,” she started, feeling her own face heat up a little. “Thanks for staying here to make sure nobody else goes in. You gonna be okay?”

He nodded quickly, maybe a little too quickly, because she knew damn well what sort of provisions he had left in his pack.

“Yeah, it’ll be fine.” Not _I’ll_ be fine she noted, but couldn’t really argue him out of this. He’d already said he wasn’t going with her, he’d already made his choice, and she had enough dignity left to let it go. Barely enough dignity, but hey. Enough to keep from throwing herself at his feet and begging like something out of a Fantasy Brontë sisters novel. That wasn’t her aesthetic, thanks.

“Okay.” She had to say it, just so he’d know, so he’d understand. She didn’t want him to have unrealistic expectations. She had to be firm, up front, and crystal clear.

“You know, uh,” she started, and then trailed off, glancing over at the entrance to the cave. Ugh, so much for crystal clear. “Cha’gal’s probably looking at some serious time in the hoosegow for today’s shenanigans. Like, never see the light of day again kind of time. My boss is gonna be _pissed._ But, y’know, don’t do the crime if ya can’t...yadda yadda yadda. I knew what I was signing up for, and it’s worth it to have saved Brian.”

She couldn’t look him in the eye at all, so she didn’t see the expression on his face, which was one part stunned bewilderment (a look she got a lot _TBH_ ) and several more parts pining, aching, longing and wistful regret. He cleared his throat and nodded in agreement.

“So, like,” she continued, still a total coward, “Um, if you stick around here, whoever else comes down to get the relic, probably that dork Leeman, uh, I’ll make sure he brings you some food and some gold so you can, uh, I don’t know, buy a horse in Phandalin and get back to Neverwinter or wherever you end up. I’ve got about forty gold on me right now if you need it, because Pan knows I sure won’t.”

In fact, she started digging around in her pouch for that gold, only to be stopped by a gentle hand over hers. She looked up, and her heart caught in her throat, because Barry was inches away from her, his face close to hers. She had to look up at him, loving the fact he was taller than she was. She could feel the pull of the skin of her neck, taut from her chin to her clavicle. It was weird, to be so conscious of that little thing, as their eyes met.

Well, their eyes met after she caught herself staring at his mouth for a hot second.

“I can’t take your gold, Lup,” he murmured, his expression soft and kind. “Just...it’s okay. Please.”

“I feel like I should give you _something._ ” My heart, my self, my trust, my everything, those words absolutely were _not_ parading around in her brainmeats, nope. “I almost got you killed, I owe you at least this.”

“No, you don’t.” His beautiful eyes were almost killing her with their intensity, how expressive and liquid they were. She could lose herself there, if she wasn’t careful. “I’m the one who almost put that fucking thing on. I became the threat. I could have gotten _you_ killed. Please. Just...forget it.”

She read between the lines there, and heard what he was really saying. _Forget me._ And she was just about to tell him fuck _that_ noise when she realized that she was basically trying to tell him the same thing. Setting up the fact she was going to moon jail for moon crimes. Warning him that she wouldn’t ever be coming back. She wasn’t about to start tossing bricks in this glass house they’d built together, so after a moment, she nodded.

He stepped back, and his hand fell away from hers. It felt like the greatest loss she’d ever experienced in her life. Her heart just splattered in her chest, like an egg dropped from a height. But, hey, that’s how it be on this bitch of a world. She’d been alone since she was a kid, and she’d be alone again now. She was born to be alone, apparently. Shrug it off, clench your jaw, and square the fuck up, girly girl.

“Okay. If you say so. Uh. Thanks again, Barold.”

The nickname dropped out of her mouth like it was made to be there, and they both had a moment of pause over it. It felt familiar, but not too familiar…

“Thank you too, Lup. Thanks for stopping me.”

She couldn’t hold it back anymore. The words that she’d been burying in her heart and throat flew out of her mouth without permission.

“I wish…”

That was when the Charm Person spell finally wore off, and Brian let out a screech of rage and regret when he remembered what had happened. Rage, because he was still kind of under the thrall of the relic, and regret, because it was finally wearing off a little and he could be a rational drow again. Barry and Lup both jumped, startled, and then laughed a little nervously, both of them realizing that this was it. _The. End._ A point made even more apparent when the orb settled down neatly between where they were standing, and where Killian was sitting on Brian. (Yes, literally. And if anybody draws fetish art of a big beautiful orc lesbian sitting on a skinny twink of a drow, I will personally break quarantine, come to your homes and end you.)

Killian hustled Brian into the orb, and then cleared her throat rather pointedly. Lup had to keep herself from giving her the good old Double Deuce, and instead just held up one forefinger. Killian wasn’t her enemy, never had been, and she’d been awful to her. Maybe she could sweet talk Lucretia to give her a kitchen in her cell, and then send Killian some of her famous macarons to make up for all this bullshit.

...For the first time, Lup wondered if she’d also been under the thrall of the relic herself, while this was all going on. The notion of that gave her the heebie jeebies. Fantasy Jesus H. Christ. The feeling of being jolted by that fucking gauntlet was still making the little hairs on the back of her neck stand up. Eugh, she desperately wanted a shower. She desperately wanted a shower with Barry in the stall with her.

But instead of naked soapy funtimes, Barry looked at her, looked at Killian and Brian in the orb, and then just smiled sadly, clearly not on board with her inappropriately raunchy thoughts.

“Take care of yourself, Lup. Be good, okay?”

“...You too, Barry.”

And then he was walking back to the cave, his back fully turned to her, and that was that.

There’s a line about ‘hating to see you go but love watching you leave’ which implied that the watcher was staring at somebody’s ass. Said line may or may not have been applicable here, and if pressed, Lup would never admit it.

She did her own 180 turn, put her chin up, and started walking toward the orb. It wasn’t until the door was closed and they were rising back up into the sky that she realized she’d been anticipating his touch the whole time. The ten seconds she’d been walking, she’d been mentally bracing herself for his hand on her arm, or tugging her hand, or catching the back of her tunic playfully.

Oh. 

Which meant that she should have done that to him, didn’t it?

Well, shit. She just blew that rather spectacularly.

“...I’m sorry, darling,” whispered Brian after a moment, and Lup just… _deflated_ , like a soufleé left in a hot car.

“It’s okay, Brian. It’s okay.”

She rested her head against his for a long moment, and Killian reached across the center console, and squeezed Lup’s knee. 

“I’m sorry, Killian,” Lup said after a moment, and because Killian was amazing and awesome, she smiled and gripped Lup’s hand in hers. “I fucked up so bad.”

“You were trying to help,” Killian responded, her tone a benediction. “That’s why we all signed up to the Bureau. I get it.”

At that, Lup let out a noise that was half laugh and half sob. They were rising faster now, and only then did Barry turn back to look up, up and up, until the orb was just a distant sparkling glitter in a clear blue sky. And then it wasn’t even that anymore.

“Good bye,” he whispered to the air, as that aching sense of heaviness returned to his chest again, settling in like an old friend. That part of him that had always been restless and lonely and sad, living just behind his sternum like some kind of parasite, and weighed him down again.

It wasn’t until it returned that he realized he’d been missing it in the first place. When he was with her, he was free. The weight of a love that...oh shit. Oh. No. No way.

“Well, fuck me I guess!” he said, and took his crappy mood out on the nearest small rock, kicking it like a soccer ball. 

“...Ow.”

**Works inspired by this one:**

  * [After Goodbye](https://archiveofourown.org/works/23967799) by [capitalnineteen](https://archiveofourown.org/users/capitalnineteen/pseuds/capitalnineteen)




End file.
